You Can Choose or Change Your Identity | DFS 358

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:00

Jennifer, welcome to Destin for success.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:03

I'm your host, Jennifer tokagi, and I want to continue this

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:07

conversation about the impact you're making in the world. This

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:13

episode is about how you can choose or change your identity.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:19

Have you ever considered what your identity is and how you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:22

show up, and if you can choose it like who or what do you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:27

identify as, and do you embrace it? Do you want to keep it? My

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:32

friend Kimberly Crow, you've heard of me, speak of her

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:34

before. Wrote a book called shift your narrative. It was a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:37

best seller. Go get it. It's on the Amazon and and her deal is,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:42

is that the story you want to keep is, is that true? What else

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:46

could be true? So the same thing holds for your identity. You can

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:53

choose or change your identity. So I'm going to say the first

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:59

piece of my identity is within my family. So how do I identify

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:07

within my family, or what identity was placed on me? So

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:13

the first thing is, I'm I'm the youngest, and I can't really

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:18

modify that, right? Like I am the youngest. I had an older

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:23

brother. He was the oldest. He died when he was 53 and then

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:30

there are three of us girls. And my brother used to tell my dad,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:33

man, we had a great family too. You had all those girls. And my

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:36

dad being, you know, super fast on his feet, said, Oh, we had a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:41

perfect family till we had all you kids. So there you go. Snap

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:46

knocked him right upside the head and hurt his feeling. But

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:49

I'm the youngest. I'm also the most talkative and probably the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:01:56

loudest. I think I became the loudest because you couldn't

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:02

hear me otherwise, with mom and dad and my brother and two

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:04

sisters all talking at once, like if I didn't jump up and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:07

down and scream, you weren't going to hear me. So I was

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:09

probably the loudest. And the fun thing about that was I was

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:13

tongue tied. I just recently heard about a child that was

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:17

tongue tied, and they're they're not going to do anything about

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:20

it. He's an infant. They didn't find out I was Tongue Tied till

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:24

I was like, two, and when my mom found out, realized my aunt

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:29

actually figured it out. Take me to the doctor, and she said the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:34

doctor was like, Oh yeah, her tongue just tied down. I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:36

couldn't stick out my tongue. I didn't talk at all, which I know

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:40

you find that really hard to believe. And the my aunt was

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:44

like, Yeah, this baby's tongue tied. So the doctor was like, Oh

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:47

yeah, we'll just clip it and she'll be fine. And my mom said,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:52

but Is she okay? And he said, Well, what are you talking

Jennifer Takagi: 00:02:56

about? And she said, well, she's two, and she doesn't speak at

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:00

all. And he said, she's probably the smartest child you have. She

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:07

gets whatever she wants, and she never has to say a word. Oh,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:12

well, okay, I'll take that. I'm the smartest one. I'm not the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:16

smartest one, but I'm gonna take it so I'm the youngest, I'm the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:19

loudest, I probably talk the most in my family. I'm the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:24

baker. I started with my mom. I remember in first grade baking

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:30

with my mom. I'd come home from school and we would bake a cake,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:34

we'd make cookies, we'd make something for dessert, and with

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:37

the family of six, whatever we made was typically gone that

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:40

night, like, poof, it was gone. At one point, we made some

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:44

amazing cinnamon rolls. Now, I've tried and tried, I've made

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:49

some pretty good ones, but mom and I, when I was, like, seven,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:53

eight years old, we made some pretty killer cinnamon rolls. So

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:57

I baked and then, I don't know, a few years ago, I took a cake

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:06

decorating class, and so then I started baking a lot, and one of

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:10

the sessions of the cake decorating class was how to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:12

decorate cookies. So now I decorate cookies. I even opened

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:16

an online bakery for a while. Let me just tell you that was

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:19

way too much work. And as much as I love baking and cooking,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:23

like, I don't know how people do it out of their home, like, all

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:26

day, every day, like, ooh, that got to be too much. And I was

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:29

like, Nope, I'm just going to do it for friends and family and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:32

people I love. But I'm a baker and and I get phone calls and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:36

it's like, ooh, Aunt Jennifer, can you bake my wedding cake?

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:39

Yes, I can. I'm aunt to people that aren't even blood

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:42

relatives, and it's aunt Jennifer, like, I don't know I'm

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:45

getting ready to make my fourth or fifth wedding cake, which is

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:49

an honor. It is an honor to have someone trust you with their

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:52

wedding cake. So I'm a baker, and everybody knows it, and my

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:56

nieces will call aunt Jennifer. I have this thing. Yeah. Yes. So

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:00

that's my identity. Like I embrace it. I love it. One of my

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:04

best friend's daughters, she was probably seven or eight, and the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:10

kids would always come up to my boat and say, you know, what

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:12

snacks do you have when we're at the beach? And her daughter

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:16

said, You just really need to open a bakery. And that was the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:19

first time anybody actually had said those words to me, and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:22

again, I did for a while, but I'm also known as the person who

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:27

always shows up. I always show up. I'm always there, good, bad

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:33

or indifferent. I was experiencing an extremely

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:38

difficult period of time in my life, and I didn't show up for

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:43

something I just couldn't I did not have it in me to do. And one

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:49

of my friends said, Well, her feelings were really hurt,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:52

because you always show up. And I thought, Ooh, is that good or

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:56

is that bad? Like, it's great that I always show up, but it's

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:59

also a little disheartening and devastating that I didn't get a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:04

little bit of grace for what was going on, which everybody knew.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:08

But it's interesting, right? Do you like the identity that has

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:13

either been placed on you or you've embraced? Do you still

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:17

want it? You have choices. I had a career identity. I always

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:24

showed up. I was always at work. I was extremely dependable. You

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:28

give me a project, I was going to get it done. Was I going to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:32

complain about it along the way? Okay, let's be clear. Probably,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:36

I probably did, but that's who I was and I was accurate. I did

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:44

what I was supposed to do, and it was accurate. It was correct,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:46

it was right. Have you ever heard of the disc behavioral

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:52

profiles? So that is your behavior that other people

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:57

recognize. It's not really a personality test. It's when you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:01

walk in a room, How do other people perceive you and interact

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:04

with you? Well, in the DISC profile, it's D is for

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:08

dominating a problem. I is influencing people. S is for

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:12

steadiness, and C is for consistency. I just want to say

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:16

the C for consistency. For me, the highest I've ever scored out

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:21

of 100 is eight. That's the number 812345678, not 80, it's

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:27

eight. And when I was becoming certified to do disc profiles,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:33

the instructor said, How did you work in housing and for the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:37

federal government, and you have a an eight in compliance. And I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:42

said, because my eye for influencing people, which is a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:46

little bit like a cheerleader, was so high that I wanted to get

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:51

the awards, I wanted to get the accolades, and I wanted to be

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:54

called in front of everybody and told what a good job I did. So

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:58

my eye is a 96 out of 100 I was at a training, and it was all

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:06

federal employees, all the whole management team, and I'm the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:10

only one who scored above 50% on influence. And the instructor

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:14

said, if you have a new project, a new program that you want to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:18

roll out, you need Jennifer to do it, because she will get

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:22

everybody rounded up and on board much faster than the rest

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:26

of you. And guess what happened after that? Yeah, I got to do a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:30

whole lot of special projects. A lot of them were a lot of fun.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:33

Some of them were an immense amount of work. But I'm a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:36

Cheerleader, and in my career, that was part of my identity. I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:40

was walking through the office one day and stopped to talk to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:44

somebody in a different division about something else going on in

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:49

the office, you know, that impacted everybody. And my boss

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:52

walked by, and she goes, Hey, Jennifer, would you go get a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:56

sympathy card? Somebody's family member passed away. And you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:00

know, you're the touchy feely one. You're real good at that. I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:03

was like, anybody could go buy a card, but nope, I was the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:08

cheerleader. I was the dependable one, right? I'm gonna

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:11

go get the card and I did like I did. I did what I was supposed

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:15

to. So that career identity, that that level of

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:18

dependability, the show up. I'm going to be there. I'm going to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:22

do the thing. It served me very well, and it served, you know,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:27

the housing industry, really well while I was there. But you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:32

can transition. I transitioned. I transitioned from that

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:39

employee. I was also a manager, supervisor, person, but I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:44

transitioned from that into an entrepreneur.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:50

As an entrepreneur, I'm a speaker, I'm a trainer. Now I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:09:56

will say I had many years in my career. Or both at corporate and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:01

government, where I did training, I heard one time, and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:06

I need to look this up and see if it's still true, but at one

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:10

point, I was told that more than 70% of the federal government is

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:15

made up of introverts who want to sit at their desk and do

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:20

their job, and they really would just as soon not interact with

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:22

other people, and that was my experience too. They did a great

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:27

job. They did exactly what they were tasked with doing, my co

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:32

workers, my colleagues, but they didn't necessarily want to put

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:35

on the training and be the speaker and be the face of the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:38

agency. I remember being called in one day, my boss said, we

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:43

need you to go to such and such Hotel on such and such date,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:47

which it was just down the block from the office, and we need you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:51

to be on a panel about homelessness and give a 10

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:54

Minute Talk on homelessness. I was like, I don't I work on

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:58

housing people I don't like I don't deal with the homeless.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:02

That's a whole nother department. But guess what I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:06

did? I did I went to the library. It was before Google.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:10

That's how long ago this was. I went to the library. I did

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:13

research. I went to the department that actually handled

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:16

homelessness. I got statistics. I got data, and I still refer to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:21

that information that I got around homelessness, so it

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:26

served me well. I was dependable. I could be a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:29

speaker, I could show up, I could be on a panel. They gave

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:32

me enough time, I could research it, and I could like speak, as

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:37

if I was like, knew about that, but one of the biggest days in

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:44

my life came. I'm going to say I should have looked this up

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:48

before I hit record. I believe it was December 17, 2016 I had

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:59

been in a coaching program as a participant, and one of the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:05

exercises was to write a blog. I didn't know what a blog was, and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:10

then it was like, make like, make a list of 10 things that

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:13

you know about that are true to your topic. Well, my topic was

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:17

stress, and I came up with 10 things very quickly and easily.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:21

She said, Okay, great. You have a blog and you have a title and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:24

you have 10 tips that you know are true about that topic. Okay,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:29

great, I got it the next the next module was now write out an

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:41

entire page. Like, type out a whole page to support your

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:45

statement, your tip, I can do that. Like, I have a degree in

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:49

French, Spanish and a minor in English. Like, yeah, I can. I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:52

can type that up, yeah, I can do that. And I did. And at the end

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:58

of that lesson, you know, like, once you got it all typed up.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:01

She said, go to this website called Fiverr, f, i, V, E, R, R,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:07

and it's called that because most things used to cost $5

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:11

inflation, a little bit more, but still very reasonable, and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:15

have someone design a book cover for you, huh? Okay, so I went on

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:21

Fiverr, they designed a book cover for me, and she said,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:25

there you have it. You have an ebook to give away as your opt

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:29

in. Wait, what? Okay, so I'm speaking to a woman that's also

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:35

in the group. And I was like, Oh my gosh, you know, I did my

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:39

thing, like I got through those modules, and I, I wrote the the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:44

e book for my opt in, and she said words that changed my life.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:51

Now upload it to Amazon. And did you catch last week's episode

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:00

where I talked about an auto reject response, I had an

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:03

absolute auto reject response. And my response was, No, I'm not

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:08

an author. I'm not a writer. That's my brother and one of my

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:12

sisters. It's not me. Did you hear that? Holy moly, crap. Holy

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:19

what story had I been telling myself? And she said, But you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:24

are you literally just wrote a book. Now upload it to Amazon.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:29

Now I'm gonna say this poor gal went above and beyond the call

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:33

of duty to help me upload this book to Amazon. I upload it to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:39

Amazon. I was so excited when I hit that last button that said,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:46

it's uploaded. Holy, Mo, like, really. So in this coaching

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:53

program, I'm now, at the end, I've now finished all the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:55

modules, and you take a test and. And you can only take the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:02

test two times. But I don't know what's on the test. I don't know

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:07

anybody who's taken the test. I don't know what to expect. It's

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:10

all been online. I'm not rightly Sure. And I thought, Oh, I'm at

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:15

such a high. I'm so excitable. Yes, I use that incorrectly, but

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:20

I like to so go with it. I'm so excitable about just having

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:25

uploaded this book to the Amazon. I'm going to take this

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:30

coaching exam, and I'm going to see how I do. I'm just going to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:34

take the test. Imagine my shock, surprise and elation when I hit

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:42

submit, after I answered all the questions, and the computer like

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:49

started shooting confetti on the screen, congratulations, you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:52

passed. So on that one day, I uploaded my first book to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:59

Amazon. I think I've written seven now. I uploaded my first

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:04

book to Amazon, and I became a certified coaching specialist.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:11

When I bought that program, I didn't even know that was a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:14

thing. I didn't know I signed up to be a coach. I had the same

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:20

thing happened a couple years later when I was learning to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:23

read Akashic Records, the messages of your soul. And I get

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:28

to the end, I send my my certification statement that I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:33

had read so many people within our groups records, and I get an

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:38

email back that says, Congratulations, you're a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:41

certified soul Care Coach. What? Oh my gosh, I don't even know

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:47

what all kinds of coaches I am, what all I'm certified in. It's

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:50

super fun. I love every bit of it. But the main thing is,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:55

today, as I record this, I have transitioned from a federal

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:03

employee to a speaker, a trainer, an author, a coach, an

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:09

energy healer. You can transition. You can choose your

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:17

identity. You can choose how you want to show up in the world.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:21

The question is, how do you want to show up? How do you want to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:26

show up on the books I write, they're all short. Every every

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:30

book I write is very short. Can be read very quickly. Someone

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:34

once said, Is that even a book I read it like in 10 minutes? And

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:37

I said, Did you write a book? Did you create a cover? Did you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:40

upload it to the Amazon was it a best seller in three categories?

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:43

No, no, you did none of those things. Yes, it is a book. It is

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:48

a book. People want to read something short. They want to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:52

read something that gives them something tangible to do. And I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:56

have embraced that. I don't want to sit down and spend six months

Jennifer Takagi: 00:17:58

writing a 500 page book. And guess what? You may not want to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:03

read it. That's a lot. That's a lot. You can choose your

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:09

identity. I had to really step in and embrace the fact that I'm

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:13

an author, because honestly, I said I'm not a writer. I'm not

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:16

an author. My sister and brother are I'm not and guess what I am.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:23

I am same thing with energy healing. I was like, I'm not a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:27

healer. I'm a catalyst for healing like I know. And someone

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:31

said, one of my clients actually said, you've offended me. You

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:36

have offended me by refusing to embrace the fact that you're an

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:39

energy healer, because you are. And now I accept it, I honor it.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:45

I Yes, I am an energy healer, and I do have a gift from God.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:50

Yep, I'll take it. I was in a group of some ladies and and a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:54

couple of them said, Oh, I'm not a healer, and that's not nice to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:18:59

say. You should say it. And I let him go on for a while, and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:02

finally, I was like, I understand where you're coming

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:06

from, but I identify as an energy healer, and I am what

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:12

identity Do you want to have? What identity Do you want to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:16

take on? What do you want to transition into? Some are thrust

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:20

upon you, but you can choose. My challenge for you is when this

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:28

audio ends that you spend five minutes just five. Oh, wait no,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:34

it has to be 12. I'm the 12 minute success coach. I forgot

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:37

to throw that in there. I deem myself the 12 minute success

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:41

coach. I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:43

want you to spend 12 minutes, and I want you to write down all

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:47

the identities that you have, whether you chose them or they

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:51

were thrust upon you, and then I want you to consider whether

Jennifer Takagi: 00:19:57

those are the identities that you want to have you. If you

Jennifer Takagi: 00:20:01

want to talk about it, a little bit more book, a call with me. I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:20:03

would love to hear from you, and also for this podcast,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:20:07

subscribe, like, leave a review. All the things do, all the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:20:11

things for me. Would you? I'm Jennifer Takagi with destin for

Jennifer Takagi: 00:20:15

success, and I look forward to connecting with you soon. You.