You are making an impact | DFS 356

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Welcome to Destin for success. I'm your

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host, Jennifer Takagi, and I want to talk about impact. I am

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going to be having a series of podcasts around the top of the

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top. I can talk, I do this professionally, about impact,

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and the impact that you have on people around you. I think that

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I'm seeing a real trend of people just assuming they can

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say and do whatever they want, very accustomed to the anonymity

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of a computer screen, so they just blurt out whatever they

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want, they just comment whatever they want, and they don't know

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how they're impacting somebody else. And I try to be aware of

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that, but just like everybody else, I'm not always aware of

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that, and don't do as good a job as I should or could, but it is

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something to aspire to. One of the silliest things I saw today

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that shocked me and really disheartened me, and you have no

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idea how much I struggle not to like type when I see hateful

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things on the internet, but but I do. I struggle because I want

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to, like, lash out at the meanness that's out there. For

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no reason. I'm watching the series The Gilded J Gilded Age.

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I like the series. I love the history aspect of it, and

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someone who might be new to the series possibly typed a

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question, and it was very benign, like back in season one,

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such and such did this, but now it's coming up. What does that

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mean? Or is that what they're talking about? Just

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clarification. There's a lot going on in the world. Do I

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remember exactly what happened in that episode and exactly how

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it's all connected? And the bottom line is no, because I

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don't pay that close attention. The other thing is, it's it's a

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series, like it's a series. It's not like life or death. It's a

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series, and I'm gonna say a very unhappy, disgruntled, myopic,

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self centered, possibly narcissistic, I don't know woman

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based on her name, I'm assuming a woman I don't know said that

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has already been answered multiple times in this group.

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Why are you asking this now? And I thought, are you kidding me?

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Somebody asked a question about the plot of a series, and you

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lose your ever loving mind, like, what? What is going on in

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your world? That you think that you're so freaking important

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that you can just land blast somebody like that. So as you

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can tell, I got very I have lots of feelings and feels about this

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one. Because, number one, it doesn't matter in the Korean

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scheme of things, and it doesn't matter if people have asked

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these questions, I don't know, 20, 3040, times the person who

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asked the question, I'm looking I'm banging on the counter while

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I'm saying this, the person that asked the question didn't know

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the answer, so she wanted to know the answer. We don't know

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what's going on in her world. We don't know what's going in her

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on in her life. We don't know what she's doing to escape

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reality watching this fun show, but we also don't know what

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impact that hateful, spiteful,

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unhelpful response could have had on that woman. Now the woman

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as she's typing her hateful, tacky response, not being level

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three. If you've heard any of my podcasts about level three

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behavior, she was not being level three, not only does she

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not know what she could have, what harm she could have done to

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that woman. She may not care. Now, I want to take the high

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road. I want to be level three about this and say she was

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having a bad day. She was having a bad moment. Lord knows, I've

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had a few of those of mine in the last few months, but i i.

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Just point that out, because we all need to do better. I need to

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do better. You need to do better. What is our response?

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And is our response impacting somebody in a positive way or a

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negative way? I have been married for a long time, and

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sometimes I ask a question.

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And even even if in my head,

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I have formulated the question to be really nice, and even if I

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believe the words are coming out of my mouth so nicely, so

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innocently, I just need the answer. My husband doesn't

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always hear it that way. Why he might be having a bad day. He

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might be all up in his feels about what he's been working on.

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I don't know. We're on the phone. I can't see his face

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right? Like it's not the same as a face to face conversation, and

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he's our it's, it's the end of July when I'm recording this,

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and we've not gotten our boat in the water. And it for several

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reasons, probably the main reason I had my knee replaced,

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and I've been gimpy for a little longer than I expected to and so

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there's no big hurry if, if I'm not going to go out on the boat.

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And so now I'm ready to go on the boat. And he's been

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furiously working to get the boat cleaned and polished and

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beautiful for the next 812, weeks that it's on water. And

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he's been telling me in his sharing of what has to be done

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to get the boat ready that he's gonna spray the underneath of

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the pontoon boat for spiders. And he said this more than once,

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I need to spray the underneath of the pontoon boat for spiders.

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And so he told me this yesterday, and said, I gotta go.

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I'm gonna go spray the underneath of the pontoon boat

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for spiders. And I was like, okay, but I have a question

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about that. And he said, What? And I said, Yes, spray the

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underside of the pontoon boat for spiders, and then you launch

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the boat in the water. Doesn't the water and won't the waves,

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just wash off the bug spray. I mean, I want to know, do you

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know? Like, I don't know. Put in the comments like, comment, let

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me review on this podcast and tell me if you know this episode

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about this situation. But I was asking it very naively, very

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innocently, I don't really understand this situation. And

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he got a little short with me, and he said, last year, I did

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not spray the underside of the boat, and we put the boat on the

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boat lift, and then the next day, the boat was full of bugs.

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Because apparently, when the boat was out of the water, bugs

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got up underneath. I would have thought that the water would

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have just rinsed him away, but no, apparently it doesn't, and

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you need to, like, kill the bugs first. So instead of being

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offended that he was a little bit snappy with me, I'm sure he

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didn't know what impact he was having on me, but I made a

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conscious decision that I did not want to have a negative

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impact on him. So my response was, oh my gosh. Thank you so

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much for explaining to that. That to me, I really just didn't

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get it, and his entire demeanor changed. You could hear it in

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his voice on the phone. He was like, Oh, well, okay, these are

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the kind of little interactions that we have every single day.

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And we have a choice. We have a decision on how we're going to

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interact. What impact do we want to make? Did I want to make him

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more irritated about cleaning the boat because I'm physically

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not there and not going to do it. Not going to help for a

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number of reasons. Ie my knee. But am I going to make it worse

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and make it more frustrating, or am I going to be very positive

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and inquisitive and assume the best? Jack Canfield talks about

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E plus r equals O. There is an event plus your response equals

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your out. Come the event was my husband was going to spray the

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boat for bugs. My response was to ask, Why on earth are you

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going to do that? And I could have asked it

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in many ways. And that little

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plus symbol E plus r equals O, that little bitty plus symbol is

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what makes all the difference in the world. That is where you

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have the opportunity to be level three. That is when you have the

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opportunity to pause and decide how to respond. There were three

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or four points in our short little conversation about, hey,

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what's on your agenda today? That I could have inflamed this

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situation for absolutely no reason.

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I could have been that hateful woman on the Gilded Age

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Facebook group. I could have gone ugly for no reason at all,

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and sometimes I do, but my goal is not to my goal is to be level

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three. My goal is to take that pause from between the event and

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my response so that the outcome is better for both of us. I'm

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Jennifer Takagi with destin for success, and if you would like

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to dive into this deeper book, a call with me, with your success.

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Call.com your success. Call.com Jennifer Takagi, I look forward

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to connecting with you soon. You.