Setting boundaries is important to creating the life of your dreams | DFS 312

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Welcome to Destin for success. I'm your

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host, Jennifer Takagi, and today I want to talk about setting

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boundaries and the importance of setting boundaries. In the last

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episode, my good friend Mary Gooden talked about her three

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non negotiables, and she wakes up every day, and she literally

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lives and embodies her three non negotiables so that she can have

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the life that she wants, not when somebody else set up for

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her, but for her. What are boundaries and why aren't you

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setting them so a boundary is often considered something bad.

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We talk about putting fences up between our houses so there's a

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boundary. But have you ever heard that phrase? Fences make

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good neighbors. If I know how far I can go one way or the

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other, and they know how far they can come, then we're kind

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of okay. We can live within those boundaries for younger

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girls, especially, I say especially, because that's what

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I know about since I was one, there are boundaries when you go

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on a date, like, What time are you going to bring me home? No,

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I will not do that. No, don't kiss me goodnight on the first

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date. What are those boundaries? And what are those boundaries?

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Do they keep you safe? They keep you protected. Parents often

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have deadlines on what time you have to be home, and it's like,

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oh, gee, let me stay out later. It's a boundary to keep you

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safe. My mom used to always say, after midnight, the drunks get

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drunk, or the dopes get dopier, and somebody will hurt you. It

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was really great reverse psychology, because she never

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said I was going to get in trouble. It was somebody else

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would hurt me, which made it a very different vibe, a very

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different feeling. So are you having places in your life? Can

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you recognize places where you are letting other people run the

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show? What are you in charge of that you don't need to be in

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charge of? Where are people overstepping the bounds? Years

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ago, a friend of mine was saying that she had to cook a big

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dinner every night with meat, potatoes, a vegetable and some

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sort of bread, and her husband would not allow it any other

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way. And I was like, Well, does he cook? Like, what? What does

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he bring to this party of you cooking dinner every night?

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Because, mind you, they both worked full time, and I'm not

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saying that she wasn't the better cook, but what's the

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trade off? You can't be expected to work all day, come home, cook

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the meals, do the laundry, clean the house like do absolutely

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everything while your partner sits on the couch. If you have a

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partner there, there should be some kind of divvying up of life

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events that have to happen to keep a household running. So are

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you letting other people run the show. Are you letting other

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people step on you or force you into things, or guilt trip you

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into things, when what you really wanted to say was No, I

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have started saying no to some of my baking. I'm a baker. I

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started a baking business. I'm in the process of closing it

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down now, but part of me in the course of this business, I found

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that I was saying yes to things that were outside my wheelhouse,

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because I wanted to be a people pleaser. I wanted to do what you

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wanted, and I wanted to do it at a reasonable price. And what I

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found was that I was often up half the night making

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decorations for cakes and cookies. And then I learned from

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a cookie decorator that when she has one or two cookies that take

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a lot of time in order that she calls those her show pieces. And

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so she'd have one or two of those show pieces, and then the

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rest of the cookie platter, oops, bang, sorry. The rest of

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the cookie platter would be more basic cookies. They might just

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be circles or stars, maybe hearts, something she could do

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very quickly and easily, versus something that took a lot of

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time. And I found that I was not doing very good of a job at

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setting those boundaries and saying no. I started getting a

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little bit better, until I decided this is not for me. Me,

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I can cook one pan of cookies at a time. I can bake two pies at a

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time for a big order. It just takes too long. It takes too

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long to get paid, you know, pennies for hours, not but not

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to mention that, you know, you don't even hardly get reimbursed

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for your supplies. So now I do it only for people I love and

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want to do it for and I'm rarely paid, so hence shutting down the

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business. If you're looking at boundaries, if you're looking at

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your life, and I've talked in previous podcasts about setting

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up the life of your dreams, like, what do you want that to

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look like? Is there one area? One area. I'm not saying throw

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your whole life out the window and recreate it from scratch.

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You can do that. I'm not very good at that. I like to do one

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little thing at a time. You know, I am the 12 minute success

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coach. But what's one area where you can begin to explore what a

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good, solid boundary could be. How could you put a boundary

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into place? What would that boundary look like if you put

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that boundary in life or in place in your life, the next

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step is, what would your life look like if you no longer had

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to do that. I baked cookies and cupcakes for my niece the other

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day, and it was really fun, because she asked for him, and I

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wanted to do it for but I found out later, it was for Make A

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Wish Foundation, and she had volunteered to bring cupcakes

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and cookies to the event where they were going to announce what

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the young man's wish was going to be granted, what it was and

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what it all entailed. And then I felt even better that I said yes

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about it. It wasn't just for me. It was like for something even

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bigger, which makes it more fun and more enjoyable. And boy,

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when I handed her those cupcakes and cookies, I was like, Oh, I'm

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super glad that I did that. I would have also felt great

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saying no, if my week had been such that I didn't have time for

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it and I couldn't really make it happen. So how are you going to

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feel? What is your life going to look like right now? My life

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looks great that I'm not baking all the time. I still love to

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bake. I bake at least once a week. It still happens, but I

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don't have that pressure. It's back to a joy thing. This is one

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of those areas of hiring a coach, and they tell you what

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can be and could be, and their vision for you, and it's not

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really your vision for yourself. I was not very good at setting

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those boundaries and saying no to those coaches to those areas.

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So my hope for you in the next few days is that you explore one

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possible area that might need a boundary, and then visualize

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what that boundary could be. And then the final step would be,

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what would your life look like if you set that boundary, it

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becomes all about intention. What is your intention? What do

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you want it to look like? How do you want your life to be? Are

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you living on intention? Do you have a purpose and intention? I

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talked to indigo sky recently. Her episode will be coming out

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shortly, and we talked about living on living in on

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intention, intentionally with intention, with purpose. And if

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you set your intention for what you want, how you want it to be,

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then you have a lot better chance of it coming to fruition.

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And I told her that I always felt like I didn't really live

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on intention. I went to college, and my main reason was I didn't

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want a full time job. Little did I know, going to school, working

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20 to 30 hours a week, making good grades, dating, partying

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like a rock star from time to time, in some ways, was harder

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than a full time permanent job, but I was committed and I was

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going to do it, and I didn't really have a plan for after

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college, but I did have an intention that I was going to

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get a job, I was going to be hired, I was going to do well,

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and I was going To be well paid, and it all came to fruition

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because I set my intention. I got the skills in place. How can

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you live more intentionally? What boundaries do you need to

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set in place? What fence do you need to build

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so that everybody. Happier. Most importantly, you you're happier.

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I'm going to cut this one short, because I think I've covered all

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the bases. I'm Jennifer Takagi with destin for success. I look

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forward to connecting with you soon, and be sure to grab your

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12 minute gift at 12 minute gift.com. You.