Patti Oskvarek Work-Life Balance and Becoming a Better Leader | DFS 309

Jennifer Takagi: 00:00:03

I will put it back together. It's fine, okay?

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:06

And I help managers and supervisors and

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:09

others business owners to become better leaders and to live a

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:15

more purposeful, balanced life outside of work. And how I got

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:19

into this is an interesting story. I was at a networking

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:24

meeting many years ago, and I had done a speech or

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presentation, and a lady came up to me afterwards and said, You

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:36

should be a leadership coach. And at the time, I had no idea

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:41

what a leadership coach was, or a coach or anything, and so I

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:46

started checking into it, because I was retiring from my

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:52

job that I had been in for many years, within about five years.

Patti Oskvarek: 00:00:58

So I was young, and I knew that I wanted to do something else.

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And being a manager and supervisor, I had wished that I

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had a leadership coach during my time as a manager and supervisor

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and with all the things that went on, to have somebody to

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talk to, to have somebody to run ideas past, talk about

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situations that were going on in the workplace that I couldn't

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really talk to my family about, or friends because, you know,

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they don't want to hear you talk about things like that, and the

Patti Oskvarek: 00:01:41

work life balance part came in because I didn't have any work

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life balance, and I wanted to help people with that. I wanted

Patti Oskvarek: 00:01:51

people to find balance and be able to not work. 24/7, to have

Patti Oskvarek: 00:01:58

a hobby, to have a spouse, to have a partner, to have friends,

Patti Oskvarek: 00:02:02

to have just a life, but also be successful in their career. So

Patti Oskvarek: 00:02:10

that's how that came about. And then being the Reiki part with

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the energy healing is my unique way of doing my coaching is when

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people are in chaos, they need to have some stress release, and

Patti Oskvarek: 00:02:30

Reiki helps with that. And that's how it all combined

Patti Oskvarek: 00:02:34

together. And how I got into Reiki is I had a friend that was

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a Reiki Master. And one day, my husband and I went to Sedona,

Patti Oskvarek: 00:02:44

Arizona, and I said, you should have some Reiki, because he was

Patti Oskvarek: 00:02:47

his had a lot of stress with his job, and he had this wonderful

Patti Oskvarek: 00:02:55

experience with the Reiki. And he so for like, a year, two

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years, he's like, you need to do that. You need to become a Reiki

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Master. So that's how that all kind of wove together, and why

Patti Oskvarek: 00:03:11

I'm doing what I'm doing now.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:14

I love that, and I I totally get and embrace

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:18

the idea of you. You need to plan for your life. You need to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:23

be strategic, blah, blah, blah. I get all of that, but there's

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:28

something really magical about something that's presented to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:31

you and you just say yes and step into it. I had someone

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:36

recently. I have a degree in French and Spanish. Do I use it?

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:38

No, not at all. But did I learn a lot along the way? Absolutely.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:43

And so someone said, you have a degree in French and Spanish.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:48

How'd that work out for you? And I was like, Well, I had a pretty

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:50

high up, really great job with the federal government for many

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:53

years. I have full retirement and and now I'm an entrepreneur,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:03:57

so I think it worked out pretty well. And if anybody had said

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:02

you're going to go from French and Spanish to the housing

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:04

industry to leadership development trainer to an energy

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healer, because I do energy work also, like none of that aligns

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:13

right, like nobody would draw a straight line to go from here to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:17

there. But that is the beauty of how some of this comes along,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:04:22

you have to step up and say yes,

Patti Oskvarek: 00:04:25

yes. And I knew that it was my purpose, because

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there was so many managers and supervisors and business owners

Patti Oskvarek: 00:04:38

that didn't know how to communicate with their employees

Patti Oskvarek: 00:04:42

or weren't didn't have the leadership skills or know how to

Patti Oskvarek: 00:04:49

build relationships to with their employees or with others.

Patti Oskvarek: 00:04:56

So that was one of the reasons why I wanted to get into the.

Patti Oskvarek: 00:05:00

Leadership part is because I wanted to help individuals that

Patti Oskvarek: 00:05:06

wanted to be better leaders, and when you have role models that

Patti Oskvarek: 00:05:11

are not good leaders, you tend to follow those same

Patti Oskvarek: 00:05:18

characteristics and tools.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:22

Well, you do, and I, I don't think anybody

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:27

woke up one day and said, I want to be a leader and I want to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:31

teach treat my people like crap, right? Like I, I mean, okay,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:37

there's going to be a few Yeah. Somebody's going to argue that

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:39

and say, Yeah, but mine did, and that's it can be. But I think

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:44

most people really want to show up well and do well in the

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:46

world, but they had bad role models, and it takes an immense

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amount of self awareness to choose a different path, like

Jennifer Takagi: 00:05:56

these are the qualities I hated. How can I do that differently?

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:00

That takes a lot of energy and a lot of work, so having someone

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:04

like you in their corner could make that transition a lot less

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:09

stressful and a lot smoother. And

Patti Oskvarek: 00:06:13

you're right. Most people want to do a good

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job, and they just don't know how to communicate to get what

Patti Oskvarek: 00:06:24

needs to get done, but also in a in a way that fires up people to

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want to come into work every day and to want to do the job, and

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that love their job, and that really makes a difference when

Patti Oskvarek: 00:06:38

you love your job and you love the people around you too.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:43

It does because people, what do they say? People

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:45

don't quit jobs. They quit bosses. It's kind of a big deal

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:50

they do. They walk away from the boss because the boss was bad.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:06:54

Very bad boss,

Patti Oskvarek: 00:06:56

right? And you want to be that person that

Patti Oskvarek: 00:07:00

people want to grow with you. If you move up, they want to go

Patti Oskvarek: 00:07:07

with you, or you transfer, they want to go with you. When you

Patti Oskvarek: 00:07:11

have those kind of relationships, it makes things

Patti Oskvarek: 00:07:17

so well run and you can trust each other, and you know each

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other, and you know what will work and what won't work in

Patti Oskvarek: 00:07:28

those relationships.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:31

And it costs more for people who are like and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:35

obviously nobody listening to my show feels this way, but they

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:38

know somebody who feels this way, what they miss, the point

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:42

that those people who don't want to evolve and have personal

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:45

development, personal growth and learn what to do, the point that

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:48

they're missing that is the critical point is it costs more

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:52

money to attract a new employee than it does to retain the one

Jennifer Takagi: 00:07:57

that you have. That's right,

Patti Oskvarek: 00:08:00

and losing a good employee because they have

Patti Oskvarek: 00:08:07

a bad manager, supervisor, leader, costs the company so

Patti Oskvarek: 00:08:12

much money in so many different ways, because it's not just one

Patti Oskvarek: 00:08:16

person leaving, normally, it's a whole team that eventually

Patti Oskvarek: 00:08:20

leave. Leaves.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:22

It's like a domino effect. Yes, I don't want

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:26

to be here if she's not there, well, he's not there. Well, I'm

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:29

just going Yes. So do you have any tips or strategies for our

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:36

audience on how they can start developing their leadership

Jennifer Takagi: 00:08:40

skills?

Patti Oskvarek: 00:08:41

Yes, really sit back and think about your

Patti Oskvarek: 00:08:49

management style and do your employees trust you and come to

Patti Oskvarek: 00:08:56

you with problems that they're having with their job. Are they

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:03

free and feel confident that if they come to you and tell you

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:11

that something's going on, that you will listen and they will be

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:15

heard, and they feel safe in doing that and that you two work

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:22

together to resolve the problem. When you're in a group meeting,

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:30

are your is your team silent and not giving any feedback back?

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:38

They're just telling you what? Or are they just telling you

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:42

what you want to hear? And there's and they never come into

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:48

your office. You walk by them, and they don't say hi. You know,

Patti Oskvarek: 00:09:56

there are signs that there's something wrong. You. Need to be

Patti Oskvarek: 00:10:00

self aware of that, and you need to work on those relationships.

Patti Oskvarek: 00:10:06

Have a 15 minute meeting once a week with you, with each

Patti Oskvarek: 00:10:11

individual person on your staff, and when they come into your

Patti Oskvarek: 00:10:15

office, Are they scared or are they thrilled to come in and

Patti Oskvarek: 00:10:21

know that they're not in trouble or you're you know you're there

Patti Oskvarek: 00:10:25

to help them, not ridicule them or critique their work. Those

Patti Oskvarek: 00:10:32

are things that are red flags that something might be wrong

Patti Oskvarek: 00:10:36

with your leadership.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:39

I was on a team, and we did this trust

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:44

exercise, like, what aspect of trust is most important to you?

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:48

Is it openness, reliability, congruence, or I never, can't

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:53

remember the fourth one. I don't remember why, uh, acceptance,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:10:57

maybe, maybe that's it. Acceptance, accept me for who I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:00

am and that kind of thing. So when I first looked at it, I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:03

thought, man, reliability is going to be the top of my list.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:07

Like, I want all my employees to be reliable. I want them to meet

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:11

the deadlines. I want them to get the work done that. Yeah,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:14

reliability. By the time we got to the end of the exercise. As

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:19

it turns out, openness was the most important part to me,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:24

because if you came to me and said, I don't know how to do

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:29

this, or I don't know how I'm going to meet this deadline,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:33

then we could brainstorm a solution. But if you didn't tell

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:37

me, I don't have any way to know. So I'm going to give one

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:42

example, and a lot of the responsibility lays on me

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:46

because or lies on me is the right way. What's the right

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:49

verb? Because I should have checked in sooner, right? I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:53

should have followed up more, but I trusted my employees a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:11:56

lot, and this employee. I went to her, and we were, I don't

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:04

know, four or five days from a major deadline, and I knew it

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:09

was looming. I just assumed, I assumed ass out of you and me. I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:13

assumed she was working on it. And I went up to her, and I was

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:16

like, Hey, I just want to touch base on that, because it had to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:20

go through a lot of hands before it left our division. And I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:24

said, Hey, I just want to touch base on that. And she goes, I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:27

haven't started it. And I was like, like, it's due in five

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:33

days. And she goes, Well, I didn't know what to do. And I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:39

was like, like, this is a four inch thick binder of information

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:44

that we had to comb through to come up with a solution and get

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:48

it out of the office. And I said, Okay, step one is to do a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:53

checklist and make sure every piece of the application is

Jennifer Takagi: 00:12:56

there. 99% of the time they left one little thing out, but it

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:00

will stop the clock. So find something that's missing to stop

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:06

the clock, and it was like all hands on deck to go through

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:09

this. I have no idea why she wasn't comfortable coming to me,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:14

because I wasn't really that kind of boss, but for whatever

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:17

reason, she had a fear of telling me she didn't know how

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:21

to do something. So I had to start working really hard to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:25

hammer home and reiterate the point that if you come to me and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:33

say, You don't know how I can help you find a solution, like I

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:38

may not know how to do it either, which was pretty common,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:41

but I was managing the people, not necessarily every aspect of

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:44

the job, so you have to figure out. And I implore everybody out

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:50

there, a lot of my audience, even if you're an entrepreneur,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:52

you might have a VA like, how are you showing up? And do they

Jennifer Takagi: 00:13:56

know that if they just tell you they don't know you're going to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:00

find a solution and not yell at them, because I had never yelled

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:04

at anybody. I had never fired anybody, I never written anybody

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:08

up. It's not like I had a history of being the bad boss in

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:11

this scenario, but it's a big deal. It's a big deal being able

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:15

to go to you and say, oh my gosh, Patty. I don't know how to

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:19

do this. Like, what do I do with this? And

Patti Oskvarek: 00:14:23

that's where the communication and trust and like

Patti Oskvarek: 00:14:26

and all of that come in. That part is that they feel

Patti Oskvarek: 00:14:30

comfortable saying, I don't know how to do this. Can you help? Or

Patti Oskvarek: 00:14:34

can I talk to you about it and meeting with them and following

Patti Oskvarek: 00:14:38

up with them? And that's a great example, and thank you for

Patti Oskvarek: 00:14:42

sharing that.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:44

So if somebody wants to get hold of you and

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:46

find out more about your coaching program and how they

Jennifer Takagi: 00:14:49

can work with you, how are they going to find you?

Patti Oskvarek: 00:14:52

Yes, they can go to my website, at coaching for

Patti Oskvarek: 00:14:56

inspiration with Patty, P, A, T. Ti.com and it has my all my

Patti Oskvarek: 00:15:04

information in there for them to see. It has videos, it has my

Patti Oskvarek: 00:15:11

scheduling and all of that.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:14

Oh my gosh, I love that, because we all need a

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:18

little more help than we've got. So do you have any final words

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:24

for our audience?

Patti Oskvarek: 00:15:27

Yes, just remember that success as being a

Patti Oskvarek: 00:15:30

leader is spending time with your employees at work, talking

Patti Oskvarek: 00:15:37

to them, sharing with them, having them feel comfortable, to

Patti Oskvarek: 00:15:43

be able to come to you if there's a situation or problem,

Patti Oskvarek: 00:15:47

and know that you'll work together to achieve and fix it

Patti Oskvarek: 00:15:53

and solve the problem if there is one

Jennifer Takagi: 00:15:57

I love that. Thank you so much, and thanks

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:00

for your time, Patty, I appreciate this conversation.

Patti Oskvarek: 00:16:03

Thank you for having me.

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:06

I'm Jennifer Takagi with destin for success,

Jennifer Takagi: 00:16:08

and I look forward to connecting with you soon. You.