From Silence to Confidence | DFS 389

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Welcome to Destin for success. I'm your

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host, Jennifer Takagi, and today I want to follow up or continue

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with Lee Smith's conversation from last week on, having an

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unstoppable voice,

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your voice strengthens or is strong when your message is

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clear.

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Now, sometimes we do have trapped emotions from past

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events, from that time you took the stage and you tripped. So

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now you think you can never take the stage without everybody

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laughing at you, like those, those things happen,

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but when you really know your message and you really are ready

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to share it,

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it will come through loud and clear.

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A number of years ago, I was asked to do a breakout session

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at a leadership conference, and it was a topic I knew nothing

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about, and in that back in the day, I did not feel like I could

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say no to anybody about anything. And I had spoken at

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this conference before. I had done a really great job before,

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but now they really, I'm gonna say, pressured me, strong armed

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me, begged me,

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you know, whatever phrase term you want to use to do a specific

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breakout session. Now, mind you, this was not in my wheelhouse.

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It was not I was not good at it, and I hired somebody to write my

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talk for me, and they created a beautiful PowerPoint, a

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beautiful script for me to follow, handouts for the

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participants. I mean, it was all the things, all of the things

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came together for me.

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I was really excitable about it.

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Well, I got in there and guess how many people were in the

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room.

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Just guess,

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okay, you give up. You give up already. There was one. There

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was one participant in the room, and at some point, fairly early

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on, one of my friends and colleagues came in and stood in

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the back and watched my complete and utter shame occur right

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there in front of my audience of one. And you've heard things

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like, comedians need an audience, and then they, you

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know, jazzes them up. You get the energy of the room. Well,

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that was a little bit of it. I won't lie, that was a little bit

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of it. Like, 1% of my failure was that there was only one

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person in the room. The rest of it was I didn't know my message.

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I didn't know the material. I hadn't taken the time to

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understand it. I really thought I was going to have a room full

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of people, because I had built a reputation at this conference

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for the previous several years of having some of the best

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interaction with the people, and so to go in there and flop so

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colossally was horrible. It was so horrible. So I was a little

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gun shy to do it again.

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But what I learned, that really big lesson was I have to know

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the material. I have to know the material before I can share it.

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And even with that one person, had I known and understood the

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material better I could have crushed it,

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and the same woman who created this for me had created another

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program for me on change management, and as she was

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sending over slides and a script, I did not understand it.

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It was literally written. It was based on Dr cotter's book,

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accelerate change. And

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I read the book, I didn't get it. It was over my head. I

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sucked people. It was hard. I was like, I don't understand

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this. And so do you ever experience your greatest ideas

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come in the middle of the night, like everything gets sorted out.

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Your brain amazingly works all night. You ever have that and

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you wake up the next day and you're like, I have this

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solution. And on that workshop that I was doing, it was a two

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day workshop, and what I was able to piece together was, Oh,

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I already lived this experience of his eight steps to accelerate

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change. I'd already done it. I think it's eight steps anyway,

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it's the steps to accelerate change. I had already done that.

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I had already lived it. And by dropping in my personal

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experience as a manager, as a leader of doing it, man, I

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walked in that room, and I knew it when I first read her stuff.

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I.

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Was like, I don't get it. I read the book. I didn't get it any

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better, but the more time I spent on it, with it, there you

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go. I was able to walk in that room of 30 leaders of a very

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influential organization, and I was able to deliver it and do a

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really great job, and my voice was strong because I knew the

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material

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and the next piece comes with confidence. And some people

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think, oh, that person was just born with confidence. I don't

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have any confidence. Have you ever said that I don't have any

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confidence? I'm not confident. I'm not confident like she is.

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I'm not confident like he is.

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Confidence comes from doing the thing.

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Had I shut the doors back when I did a terrible job at that one

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thing, I would not have this podcast. I would not be

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maintaining in the top 5% of podcasts worldwide, out of over

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3 million podcasts, if I had given up when I started.

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Michelle Abraham, who produces my podcast, tells the story that

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if you don't go back and listen to your first few episodes, and

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you're not embarrassed. You waited too long.

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There you go. The confidence comes from practice. You're not

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born with it.

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You're not you build it, you do the thing, you practice the

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thing. I was told as I was going into seventh grade,

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it was highly recommended that our parents buy us a tape

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recorder, and that way we could record our notes, our

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worksheets, the lessons, whatever, and play it back, and

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that way you have heard it in the classroom, possibly seen it

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written on the chalkboard. You wrote notes. Maybe you did the

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worksheet so you like seen it, heard it, written it, and now

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you're recording it, and you're hearing it back in your own

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voice. And there is a fun picture of me. I don't know if I

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could find it. If I do find it, I'll post it online somewhere.

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But there's a picture of me sitting on my bed, painting my

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fingernails and all papers all around me, and my little tape

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recorder there, and I was playing back my notes for a test

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the next day. So I was painting my fingernails and listening to

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the training, or, you know, all the worksheets that I had done.

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I use that tape recorder, that exact one all the way through

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college, from seventh grade through my senior year of

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college, and I used it all the time. I recorded the

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information, I played it back. Now you can do it on your phone.

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You can record it on the Notes app on your phone and play it

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again and again and again.

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I was going to give a talk. Actually, it was on change that

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comes up a lot change management, and I was driving to

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Tulsa to do it. It's not quite a two hour drive. And I was

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listening to my talk. I recorded all my slides on my phone, and I

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listened to it again and again. My girlfriend called and goes,

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so are you ready for your big talk tomorrow. And I said, well,

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sort of, I mean, I kind of know what I'm gonna say. I'm

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listening to, you know what my slides say. It'll all come

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together. And she goes, Oh my gosh, I can't believe that

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you're not, like, scared to death. And I was like, Nah, I'll

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be great. And I walked in. I was great. It was great. I did it. I

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did a great job. Why?

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I had confidence. I knew the material.

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I had recorded it on my phone. I had listened to it back multiple

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times, and I was confident. You build confidence. You build

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muscles. You build muscle memory.

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Confidence is born. I mean, it cuts I just said that so wrong.

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I should have Erin cut that out. I'm not. I'm gonna leave it in.

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She's gonna go, Jennifer, do you want to cut that out? And I'm

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gonna say, No, leave it in. Because this is life, right? I'm

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doing my podcast, and I made a mistake. It's okay. You still

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get the message, confidence is built. It is not in born.

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Now you have a choice.

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And this was discussed recently on an interview

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about being a reactor or creator.

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You can react to all the circumstances around you. You

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can react when somebody says or does something that you don't

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agree with,

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or you can create a new reality.

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I love it. Her name's Kelly Heatherington. You've probably

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heard that podcast just recently, and Kelly says when i.

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Someone is sharing something and it's contrary to everything she

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believes or wants to believe, she'll say, Huh, I haven't had

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that experience. Or, that's not my experience. Or, hmm, that

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isn't true for me.

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I just heard a friend of mine go

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into great detail about a horrible experience she had

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flying, and this was 40 years ago,

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and she will not travel and will not see the world, and

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absolutely refuses to, because as a completely inexperienced

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traveler when she was 20 years old,

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she'll never do it again.

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She has ingrained that event,

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those 24 short hours,

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into being such a humongous story that she won't travel and

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see the world. Now she may not want to travel and see the

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world, which is fine. A lot of people are super happy not to

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go. I'm not judging that at all, but what I'm curious about, or

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concerned about, or sounding kind of judgmental about, is the

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fact that she had one experience and has chosen

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not to explore the world.

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There are a lot of reasons not to travel. There are a lot of

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reasons to not want to. I got it. It's fine. But

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is that really what you want? Do you want to create the life of

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your dreams or just react to everything that's happened? Your

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voice strengthens when your message is clear, when you know

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the information confidence is built by practice doing it over

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and over again, and you have the ability to be a creator of your

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life and not just react to it. If you want to talk about this a

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little bit more, I would love to hear from you. Book a call. Book

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a call. It's your success call.com.

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Book your call. I'd love to talk to you. I'm Jennifer Takagi, and

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I look forward to connecting with you soon.